I wish I could read some people’s minds.
Not in any weird way, but some people in my world are so fascinating I can’t help but stare at them. I want to know what they think about, & how they go about thinking it. What do they think of their thoughts? One person in particular nearly keeps me up at night—I want to know what is going on inside their head. I might be able to make something of their thoughts; maybe if I knew their thoughts, I’d be able to make sense of mine.
Talking is a waste of breath. Why can’t I just know? How am I supposed to ask the questions I want to when I don’t even know how to articulate them? I want to ask all of the questions if they got them thinking & speaking. What do I do about that?
This feeling is inconsistent—or maybe it is consistent & I’m being ignorant. Can inconsistency = consistency? I don’t know. Do other people think about things like this? I don’t know! If I could read some people’s thoughts, maybe I wouldn’t have this issue. How am I supposed to bring that up to someone? “Hi, do you think about things?” Because of this issue, I’m often interpreted as autistic. I’m not autistic; I’m just plain crazy. & I’m okay with that.
What I’m not okay with, on the other hand, is this deep burning desire to know what goes through the heads of these people. Not about just anything—but deeper things. I want to look at them & not only know, but understand what they think. Yes, I know it's dangerous to know what goes on inside someone's head all of the time, but I don't want to know everything. I just want to know them, & answers to my questions.
Not anyone can think if you can believe it. Jordan Peterson once said, “To think, you have to be at least two people at the same time." I agree with him. He’s also out of his mind—very similar to me. He’s grown on me because of that fact.
Thinking is not handed to us; it’s something we learn & develop over time. There is a difference between noting what is around us & thinking. Just because we hear that voice in our head speaking, doesn’t mean we think. I would say a majority of people don’t know how to think. They just take what’s the first thing in front of them & take it as fact. It’s almost like those things are calling dibs on people.
So if thinking is a built skill, then I want to know what it would be like knowing what someone—who's been thinking longer than I have—has to think about. Not only what they think about, but why and how they go about thinking it. God ultimately has the greatest thoughts. We can’t even try & comprehend His or the dust of our dust would turn to dust. We simply cannot do it by ourselves. But He has put thoughts into people; He has made them think things, & I want to know what those things are. I really want to know.
